Because you have to know how to splash in a mud puddle before you can learn how to dance in the rain!

I've always learned how to survive the storm and I got pretty good at it....I never learned how to dance in the rain, until Falcon came along...and oh, how we loved to dance in the rain!  We could weather through the toughest storm and we were always happy enough to dance in the rain...well, not always.  Even the ship with the biggest sail can sink in the roughest storm, right?  Well, one thing is for sure...my kids have learned that!

I had always hoped that my kids would learn how to dance in the rain, just by watching mom and dad...but that will never be, so now I'm left to teach them on my own...eventually. 

It will be a long time before I'm happy enough to dance in the rain, but I still hope they somehow learn.  I figure they have to know how to splash in a little mud puddle before they can learn to dance in the rain anyhow...now, teaching that part, I can handle...so, no better day than today to start learning just that!

The first step to learning how to dance in the rain

Her first genuine smile in more than a week!

It's not fishing...but it's the next best thing

Learning to stick together through one of life's roughest storms.

Learning that it really hurts when you fall....

...but there is always someone right there to pick you back up....

...and at the end of the night, there's someone who loves you enough to hold you tight!



Tonight, was the first time Emu mentioned daddy and the first time he really showed that he was missing him.  Not to say anything bad about daddy, but Emu just doesn't show emotion or express himself the same as everyone else.  Don't get me wrong...Emu is quite disturbed by the sudden absence of his daddy.  But, tonight...Emu says to me "Mommy, will you take me fishing"? and I said "Emu, mommy doesn't know much about fishing".  Emu says "well, if daddy was here, he'd take me fishing...but daddy isn't here anymore".  "Oh, Emu...we'll find someone to take you fishing".  Emu, obviously assuming I meant we'd find a new daddy, says "well, new daddy's don't know how to fish as good as daddy".  I reply by saying "well, sure they do Emu, maybe they fish even better".  Poor Emu then puts his head down in his saddened Emu kind of way and he says "but, I don't want to take someone else's daddy away from them"!  My heart just melted...where does he get this stuff?  His little heart is so broken and confused and he if finally expressing himself.  I just had to change the subject...and so, we went and splashed in mud puddles.

I hope their hearts don't hurt for long, I hope their confusion soon clears.  As we tough through this storm together, at least today, they smiled.  Hopefully...maybe someday, Emu will forget all about not having a daddy to take him fishing and he'll learn to like splashing in mud puddles more than he liked fishing...so that someday, he can teach his someone how to dance in the rain...the way his daddy once taught me.

Happiness is...dancing in the rain

Support comes in all different forms and phrases....

From just plain "Sorry" to...
"If you love him, you should fight for him"
"You can make it through this, you are a strong woman"
"I hope this is a step to a better life for both of you"
"You are strong, you will survive this too"
"You're the strongest woman I know"


Now mind you, the people who said these things are the very same people I vented to when times got tough.  The people who listened to me when I felt like complaining.  These people really knew no different of my relationship other than the bad that I seemed to focus on so often, so of course they are glad to see a relationship that they view as so horrible, come to an end...because I only showed them a horrible side of something that was so much more.

I find myself wondering, did I ever tell these people when things were great?  Did I ever pick up the phone to tell these people what a wonderful day I had or when Falcon actually did something nice?  Whether large or small...no, I never did!  No different than I didn't tell Falcon that I appreciated even the small things he did.

Why is it I always complained, but yet I never acknowledged the good.  The laughs, the small pillow talk, the jokes, the humor...all the things that made the bad more tolerable.  All the things that were worth fighting for. 

Why is it that he turned his back and ran?  Why is it I didn't try to make him stay? 

Will I ever not ask why?

Why is it that now, I can only remember the good and can't think of one thing that was bad enough to make it end this way?

Why did I lose my desire to dance in the rain even through the toughest storm? 

Why did I push him away, when I really wanted him to come closer?

Why didn't I try harder for something worth fighting for?

Why do my children have to continually suffer...why do they have to be brought up this way?

Why is it for so long, I always saw the bright side of things...then when my life got brighter, I only saw the dark side of things?

Why?

For those I never told...Falcon was so much more than what I made him out to be.  He really was the best thing that ever happened to me.  He lit me up just as much as he brought me down.  For everytime he wasn't there for me, there was a time that he was.  For everytime he didn't pick up something of his, he picked up something that wasn't.  For those times that he didn't help me pay for something, there was a time he helped when I really needed it.  For everytime he undermined my authority, he taught my kids something positive some other time.  For all the times he pushed me out of bed, I got a snuggle some another night when I wanted to.  For all the times I complained, there was something I could have praised.  For all the times he did me wrong, there was a time he did me right.  For every disagreement, there was a compromise.  Everytime he said he loved me, I said I loved him more and even in the toughest storm, everytime it rained...we danced!

Maybe someday, sunshine will bring me happiness...even though I know what it's like to dance in the rain....

Why, when all I could do was complain did I not end it sooner?  Well...have you ever known the happiness of dancing in the rain?  That's why. 

If only I hadn't made him lose that feeling...we'd still be loving the rain!