In a homeschooling house full of 7 kids & 3 guniea pigs....there is never a dull moment! A lot of people show genuine concern for us and want to know how we are doing, as the road we've left behind was not a pleasant one. So, here I am, to tell some of our stories...share some of our days...and open up a part of our world to you! Come join us on our journey so you won't miss the moments that take our breath away!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

2 weeks

2 weeks

Just to say it, it kind of stings...but it's been 2 weeks today.  It feels so much longer and it still hurts just as bad. I still feel just as numb and just as lost...actually, I think maybe even more than I felt 2 weeks ago.  I still sit and stare at nothing...even a friend noticed.  I can't even remember the last time I ate.

He deleted his facebook account today...I thought he blocked me and it felt awful!  I don't even know when the last time I talked to him on the phone was, but we do text...sometimes.  We really haven't even done that for a few days.  Today we did, but as soon as I mentioned anything about "us" he stopped talking (not once, but twice), he always does though, anytime I bring up anything related to the subject of "us".  I don't even think he likes the thought of "us"...God, he must really hate me.  I guess I am bad for bringing us up...I'm just still trying to understand him and at times, he seems so uncertain about what he is doing, he says that he's hurting and he speaks of how great I was to him.  My maturity just steps up and wants to scream some sense into I guess that's why I push it so much.  He's hurting, I'm hurting and my kids are destroyed, the pain that we are all going through would not have been any greater if this had happened in another 6 months or a year.  Granted we had some issues that needed to be dealt with (what relationship doesn't???)...but underneath all that, we truly had something that we will never have again with anyone else and that was worth risking a failed attempt to save it.  That was worth this pain 6 months from now. 

I really need to just give it up...his mind is made up!  I need to just let him be, allow him to move on as he wants and do as he wants me to...move on, go forward without him.  It's just really hard not to fight for something you don't want to let go. 

I'm flattered that I have a few guys willing to keep me company...but, they aren't Falcon...why can't he want me?

You know, I still just don't get it....
I guess I never will.

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